Thursday, May 27, 2010

Hello...God... are you there?!

I recently found a new friend!
I got a visit from Chantelle at The Fabulous Life on yesterday's post of pouring my heart out.
Gosh Chantelle - I'm sorry that my first post you visited seemed to be so down.
That really was not my intent.
I did spend some time pouring out MY heart and when all was said and done, I realized how SAD it sounded  (if you missed it - find it HERE - Who I Am?)
I DO have a Godly man in my life and I DO love him with everything I have.  I pray for him and for US daily.  It just makes me sad and frustrated sometimes to look around, not just in my relationship but in all those around me that seem to lose sight of the "LOVE".... they lose sight of the things they fell in love with in the first place... bills, and jobs, and life becomes more important and they (we) lose each other.
It just breaks a little inside me.
Cause I'm the free spirit girl that "lives on love"
I'm the "love conquers all" girl.
I AM the starry eyed, found the man of my dreams, holding hands, leaving love notes, LOVE to kiss, spontaneous, I am "complete" girl.
but sometimes.....I find myself caught up and lost in life and fallen by the wayside....and I feel broken.  And my spirit and starry eyes disappear.  And it's just easier to believe in myself... because no one lives on love....really.  Do they?!  {{sniff sniff}}

OK - TOOOOOOTALLY sidetracked.
The subject of my post today is based on Chantelles pouring her heart out yesterday.  If you missed her post - please go read it.

To answer all your questions Chantelle - this is how I feel.

Do I believe in God?  YES - Absolutely!  (maybe sometime soon I will share my testimony here... I have contemplated it before... but maybe it is time)

YES - I believe in salvation.  I believe that you have to believe in God, you have to trust in him, you have to BELIEVE that Jesus came and died on a cross for you and for me.  This is fact.  This is history.  THIS we know to be true.  Right?!  I believe that accepting that in your heart is what gets to you to heaven.  NOT all the "good works" you do - which in turn also means that "bad things" that you do DONT keep you from heaven.  NOT that I'm saying you can run around killing people and still be living a Christian life.  What I'm saying is.......with God in your heart, you shouldn't have desires to live like the world.  Oh - you will - we are HUMAN.  Like I said yesterday....God gave us free will and we WILL make mistakes (Lord, don't you know I have made mine)  But the beauty of living as a Christian is when you do those things, you will KNOW you did wrong.  You will be convicted in your OWN heart and you will seek forgiveness.  And you will hopefully turn from those things.  CONTINUING to do what you KNOW is wrong and you KNOW you are being convicted about - THAT is when we get in trouble.  ;-)

Yes - I do believe we are punished.  I do believe that blessings are with-held when we are wrong, and KNOW we are wrong.  I don't however believe that God turns his back on us as christians EVER.  He will not condemn you to hell for making a mistake.  WE ARE NOT PERFECT and I will never pretend to be.
I AM a work in progress... I have potential - and I work every day towards better serving Him and being a better witness for Him.

*Here is where things get sticky for me... and sadly for others....*

There are people out there that are "OVER-churched"
There are people who will TELL YOU you are wrong for how you live and that you are going to hell etc etc.  THEY are not your Father in Heaven.  THEY have no right to "judge".  If you are doing wrong, God will speak to YOU.  And I believe if God instructs another Christian to speak to you about what you are doing, that is one thing -  God will give them the words to talk lovingly to you.  But to blatantly come to you and tell you that you are going to I said - they are not your JUDGE.
And unfortunately - this turns people away from Christianity.

However, I have to agree with the FIL (not that you are going to hell for believing in gay marriage) but I do believe if you are not a Christian... if you have not accepted Christ into your heart... then yes sadly, the Bible says, your eternity will be spent in hell.  And I do NOT say that in judgement, I say that only because that is what I believe the bible teaches.  Cheating does not condemn you to hell... it IS wrong, but it does not condemn you to hell.  But that does NOT by any means make what SHE does or continues to do RIGHT in any way......and she will suffer for her wrong doings.  She will also have to answer for those things at the pearly gates  ;-)

Pray for me.... Speak to me if God lays it on your heart....  But do it in private and lovingly - NOT as though you  are my judge.  Christians are NOT perfect and those who run around pretending they are - are just wrong.  {but I promise, not ALL Christians are that way... some of us are real}

I will tell you this......I WAS raised my entire life in a very conservative Baptist church. I consider myself to lean towards the more liberal conservative side.   I had GREAT church friends and a great childhood.  But as I grew older, through high school (this is in my testimony) I strayed from God.  I was still a Christian, but the "world" became more enticing and I rebelled.  I lived a long time outside of the will of God.  But here's the thing.....looking back now, God knew my heart and he knew he lived there AND HE NEVER LEFT ME.... sure I had moments where I knew I was wrong, I FELT one had to "tell me"....but coming back to God is a scary thing.  And it shouldn't be.
but it is our own guilt that is scary....not God.

God is NOT a vengeful God.  He does not want to hurt us.  He only wants us to love him and put him first and live a life that reflects him. 
God took care of me when I was outside of his will.  I look back and I honestly can't tell you how or why I'm still here.......OTHER THAN God has a plan for me.  He took care of me when I had no one else.  My bills were paid, my child was taken care of and I honestly can tell you - through God is the ONLY way that could have happened, because on paper, it just doesn't make sense.

I definitely don't want to shove God or religion down your throat or anyone elses.  But it breaks my heart to know the things that people said to you Chantelle.  THAT is not the God I know.

The God I know put his hand on me and protected me when I was living a life that did not glorify him.  He was in my heart and there he stayed and he was there when I finally turned and realized I DID need Him and only HIM in my life.

The God I know took a man I know who is an alcoholic, and helped him set the bottle down and walk away.  This man still plays music in local hang outs, but no longer drinks while there.  He now plays music at church also.

The God I know took a man I know who was on the brink of hell...full of self loathing and guilt and insecurity and SHOWED him through others' eyes what a GREAT man he is and that God DOES have a plan for him.

The God I know held the hand of a very dear friend of mine recently while he watched his grandfather pass away... he gave him peace in knowing heaven is now a better place with his grand dad there.

The God I know reminds me EVERY DAY that HE has a plan bigger and better than anything I could try to set in motion myself.

I could go on and on about the miracles I have personally witnessed in not just MY life but all those around me.
I think your husband is right.  I think if you spend some time in the will help you understand.  Your relationship or choice to live a life with God in it is yours and yours alone.  No one can make you believe (nor should they try), no one can make you understand and no one can put the feeling of peace that you will have with Him into words.

As for your children,  I say YES on the book.  YES let the children learn and have the choice to believe.  We are instructed to have child like faith and by letting your children read and learn, you may be surprised at what you will learn "through the eyes of a child"

And like one comment says, you can believe in God, have faith and have a relationship with God.   But the way you worship and the relationship you have with God is up to you and God.  PERIOD.  No one else.

As for you Chantelle and with anyone that reads this blog... I am here.  If you have questions or want to know more.... post questions OR feel free to email me.  I'm an open book.   and like I said - I am a work in progress but I am willing to share what I can when I can along the path I travel  :-)

**Also - I did NOT post this blog to IMPOSE my feelings on anyone else......I do believe in God and everything he has done in my life - and ANY time I get the opportunity to share that...I will.  It is NOT intended to offend anyone else.... these are strictly MY beliefs!**

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Who I am... pouring my heart out

You know those girls that you come across... the ones that have these HIGH hopes and dreams of a lifetime filled with HAPPINESS.....of finding a man to sweep them off their feet.  A man who will work hard and pay the bills and do the yard work while their sweet little wife is cooking dinner.  The man who tells you every day (or at least every other!  ha) how lucky he is and treats you like you ARE his very own little pincess in a world gone so crazy! 

Do you know those girls? 

Anyone like that?

Maybe you ARE one of those girls.

no.  I'm not.
I won't allow myself.
I can't.

You see.... even as a teenager I didn't do very well with anyone else making my decisions for me.  At 17 - I packed up the few clothes I had and off I take care of ME and make my OWN decisions. 
And there I have been ever since.
I had a baby.
chose NOT to get married.
I've had apartments.
I bought a house.
I go to work every day.
I pay the bills.
I do the yard work.
I buy my own cars.
I take care of me and mine.
It's what I do.
It's who I am......
It's ALL I know.

I'm not saying all my decisions have been GOOD decisions... but the thing is - NOW when I screw up - it's because I screwed up.  It's on MY hands.  No one elses.  No one else GETS the opportunity to hurt me.  No one else can let me down.

Sure .... there ARE days when I want SO BAD to be that starry eyed teenage girl that LOVES with everything in my soul.... to believe THIS guy is the one.  THIS guy is different.  THIS guy is the one who will finally see me for who I am and love me till I die.  But the truth is...... no one ever has before.  At least not until it's too late and the damage is done and the love has died.  And I'm 34.  And it seems the older we get, the further and further love is from reality.  Everything just gets more and more complicated.
And other things get in the way.
Other things are more important.
Other things get all the attention...
Past relationships.
Trying to right all the wrongs from before.
Trying to do things "different" this time.
they always get in the way.

No one LIVES on love anymore......not at my age.  No one thinks THAT is enough.  THAT is all I need.  Just to love and be loved.  But it's never enough.  All the baggage gets in the way... it becomes the focus and the love dies somewhere on the side of the road on your pathway to happiness.

Someone took my starry eyes long ago.... and I can't find them anymore.
Some days I hate myself for being who I am and what I've become.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Post it Note Tuesday ~ put on ya par-T hat! ~

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Friday, May 21, 2010

Five Question Friday 5/21/2010

Rules for Five Question Friday: Copy and paste the following questions to your blog, answer them, then c'mon back to link up (on Friday, of course!). If you'd like, the blog hop code is available for you to grab! I would be a very grateful mama, if you'd link back to me, Mama M.!

If you don't have a blog, but want to play along...feel free to answer the questions in the comments of this post, or any blog along the blog hop way!

Questions for Friday, May 21st:

1. Do you have an iPhone and, if so, how do you get apps and what are your favorites?
YES YES YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And I {{HEART}} my iPhone!  like seriously - don't know how I would survive without it! 

I get only FREE apps and I usually get them from the app store on my phone...

My favs......Hmmmmmmmmmm - facebook OF COURSE (because i'm an A.D.D.I.C.T!  no seriously - I AM!}
and Shazam!  coolest app EVAH!!!!!!!  if a song comes on and you don't know who sings it - you can pull up shazam, it will listen to the song and tell you who it is and even give you a link to find the song on youtube.  I LOVE shazam!

2. What is your fondest memory of K-3rd grade?
I have a couple..

One being the sticker books and garbage pal kids cards we would trade.  I mean REALLY... puffy stickers, smelly stickers.  and our sticker books were like PRIZED possesions!

and what about my BFF and I used to make "fake fingernails" with glue in our desks!!!  YEP sure did!  Squirted out glue and shaped it like a fingernail.  Then peeled it from the inside of the desk and put them on our fingernails!!!!!!  (Traci I SURE hope you are reading this and REMEMBER that!  LOL)

3. What makes you cringe at the thought of touching?
Ohhhhhhhhhhh - I think mine would be vomit.  (same as Mama M)  Can't stand the stuff.  Not people vomit not pet vomit - NO vomit!  BLECH!
My poor child........I just don't do well period with vomit.
One time......(yes I'm about to divulge TMI!)  one time, the boy got sick in the night (we had Mexican that night) and threw up ALL OVER his comforter on his bed.
I literally made him help me carry it out to the driveway the next day and took the waterhose to it!  NO flippin WAY I was touchin that REFRIED BEANS vomit!  BLECH!  {choke} {gag}

Sprayed it with the water hose, it wouldn't all come off.  So guess what I did.  THREW AWAY THE COMFORTER!!!!!!  EEEEWwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!

oh and one time, when I was little..... I went swimming with a friend.  We were at the pool ALL DAY eating junk food.  CAndy and crap right.  On the way home, I had on FLIP FLOPS...... we were sitting in the back seat together and she THREW UP on my foot.  Between my TOES!!!  {choke}  {gag}

Vomit... YUCK!

4. If you could have any celebrity show up on your doorstep who would it be and why?
I pick two  (I can't do anything by the rules!  LOL)
Chris Knight.  Why?  Because his music has made SUCH an impact on T's life.  Every song tells a story and every story has had some effect on T.  And not JUST T - but on anyone who will take the time to listen.. and really listen.   He's a very REAL and RAW, UNDERdiscovered song writing genius  ;-)

and Oprah!  LOL
I don't even like Oprah - I'm just hoping she'll bring me a new car and buy me a new big fat house!  LOL
I'm kidding!!!!!!!!  {fingers crossed}  hee hee

really - I guess I can't think of anyone - other than any kind of musician.
I want Keith URban to show up and play and sing to me.  just him, his guitar and that voice!
or Jerrod Niemann....... hee hee

hmmm - that is all.

5. What would you say is your best physical feature?
I guess probably my legs.........I like my legs.  Get compliments on my legs.  I'm good with them  ;-)
Or maybe my smile?  People say I have a good smile.
I don't know.
I'm pretty happy with me overall.  Other than a few extra pounds around the middle that I would like to drop.. I'm pretty good with everything else  :)

(Special SHOUT OUT to my friend Denise who is celebrating her BIRTHDAY TODAY!!!!!!! Happy Birthday D!!!)

Prayer for ducks and monkeys... it's all I have to give.

I read a quote today on facebook
and it said:

"What you pray about is what you depend on God for.  What you don't pray about shows where you think you don't need Him"

My thoughts and prayers go out to you today Daffy!!!
(For those of you who don't know - she lost her sister unexpectedly.)
For more details, please go visit her and show her LOTS of love and support

Bloggy Blog Designz

I have seen a love and support in blog world over these past few days that I never really knew existed.  You have touched many Daffy - and for that reason - I am proud to call myself your BF!  ;-)
I will keep you and your family in my prayers.... it's all I have to give, but it's stronger than anything else that I could possibly give.

Please let us know if you need anything at all......

Mission Monkey

Hello blog-world! I am participating in what's known around the world as Mission Monkey day! What is Mission Monkey you ask? Well, there's this blogger friend of ours known as Pixie Momma, aka Michelle. Michelle has a little girl, or Monkey as she's known by who was diagnosed with Neuroblastoma. To learn more about it, click here. Monkey is a sweet little 16 month old girl. She doesn't deserve this. Nobody deserves this.

But the good news is that Monkey only has Stage 1 (low risk). The bad news is the medical bills are mounting and the Physical Therapy (starts today) isn't covered by insurance. Michelle is using the donated money to offset medical bills. She will donate and unused portion to another family dealing with the same issue.

If you would like to help donate money, you can click on the Mission Monkey button in the top right corner of my blog.  If you can't donate money, there are many other ways to help.  Go visit Michelle and show her love and support and then send up LOTS of prayers!

There seems to be alot of "life" going on all around us ...

I have a very good friend who recently lost his grand dad and is surrounded by sickness....
Preacher T left for work this morning, he will be gone and flying around for a week...
I have a good friend struggling with alcohol...
I have a good friend struggling with a relationship...
and some friends struggling just with life in general!

I hope that each of you take the time to -

#1 - thank the Lord above for all the blessings in your life!  Never get so bogged down in the turmoil that you miss the blessings you receive along the way.  God has a plan and trusting in THAT will get you through the dark days..  Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord.  Plans to prosper you and not harm you.  Plans to give you hope and a good future.

and #2 pray for all those around you who needed to be uplifted in prayer.
We all need prayer....
and right now - Duckalicious and Monkey need some give all you can give!

"What you pray about is what you depend on God for. What you don't pray about shows where you think you don't need Him"

Thursday, May 20, 2010

ummmm.... I think I fell in love at lunch today!

Have you heard this song?
heard it on the radio at lunch today and had to share!
love the song
love the video
love his HAT
love his guitar strap
love his voice
LOVE that bass in the background harmonizing
LOVE THAT CAR!!!!!!!!!

Rock ON Jerrod Niemann
who IS this guy?????
and WAIT - is THAT Jamey Johnson???????

ok - after you watch the song video - watch the interview with this guy.
he sang ALL parts of the harmony in this song!
I think I'm in love! ;-)

Wanna walk a mile in MY shoes?!

put a fork in me - I'm done!!!!

Training day #1 is done.....Training day #2 is done...
These are the days I start back at square one in a new job.... but not JUST a "new" job - an ADDITIONAL job!
It sux being the "new guy"
However - I will say - everyone has been NOTHING BUT NICE and that helps tremendously!
Because throughout the experience, I have been quickly reminded that - WOW - I'm old!!!  LOL

I have spent my fair amount time in the food industry.  Paid my dues, did my time and moved into my "normal" 9-5 day job leaving my nights open for having a life!  HA   yeah right!
I forgot what HARD work it is!!!!
not just physically (cause it is that too!) but also mentally and sometimes even emotionally!


I've got bills to pay off and things to SAVE FOR!!!!!!!
sacrifice now - celebrate later!!!!!!!
Besides.....I am ONE TOUGH COOKIE!

my mom life made me this way!

All those hard days when I thought "God.....WHAT are you doing to me?"  They were all to prepare me for where I am today!  I know that!
So.....bring on day #3 and day #4 of training.
Bring on 9 hours during the day at one place, which leads straight to a night filled with salmon and chicken and scallops and lots and lots of wine!
I can do this!
who really needs a social life anyway - better to make money and NOT have the time to spend it! 
HOW ELSE am I gonna get these bills paid off?

....crossin things off my list - one by one!  :)

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Post It Note Tuesday ~the NEW job!~

New to Post It Note Tuesday ??

Click HERE to get your very own posties!!
Go visit Supah AND LINK UP TO PLAY !

FIRST - a PSA..........
Next Tuesday

9-10 PM EST

Supah Mommy's Swag Bag


{{In case you didn't get that reference - please see my post regarding regression and milestones!}}

{{Workin on my 35 things to do before I'm 35.... debt free and money saved .... OH and somewhere in there ... a trip to the beach!!!}}

SOOOOOO - wish me luck! 
I've been down this road before, but the dreams about forgetting stuff and dropping food and THROWING UP (YES - I realize I'm weird... but I embrace that!) at a table will resume tonight!!!

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Can YOU put love into words?

 As girls, we search and hope and dream our entire lives to find that one true love.  Do YOU believe in TRUE LOVE?  How do you define love?
for me....
it makes me strive to be a better me, yet accepts me as I am
it gives me hope and fills me with joy
it gives me peace in growing old
because with my counterpart, I finally feel complete...
Its a feeling of vulnerability that you would never trust with just anyone...
and a calm in knowing that you can trust someone enough to be exactly who you are and love them for exactly who they are.

and when it hurts; it's hurts REAL bad
but when it's good; there is no joy that can touch it!

Some say love, it is a river
that drowns the tender reed.
Some say love, it is a razor
that leaves your soul to bleed.
Some say love, it is a hunger,
an endless aching need.
I say love, it is a flower,
and you it's only seed.
It's the heart, afraid of breaking,
that never learns to dance.
It's the dream, afraid of waking,
that never takes a chance.
It's the one who won't be taken,
who cannot seem to give.
And the soul, afraid of dying,
that never learns to live.
When the night has been too lonely,
and the road has been too long,
And you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong,
Just remember in the winter
far beneath the bitter snow,
Lies a seed, that with the sun's love,
in the spring becomes a rose

Friday, May 14, 2010

HaPpY BiRtHdAy Baby Z!

Exactly 15 years ago and right exactly at this moment - I was giving birth for the first and likely ONLY time of my life! 
And it was Mother's Day.  WHAT a present.......
I was 19 years old and totally clueless about how my world was about to be changed.  I had spent the last nine months carrying this baby around... making some small changes in my life obviously, but NOOO idea all the changes that would ensue.  Laying in that bed... NO drugs...... just me, the nurses, my mom and the absolute worst pain I could ever imagine - I was blessed beyond measure!!!!!

I am pretty sure that everyone on the floor I was on thought I was DYING!  Wanna know why I think that?  BECAUSE I TOLD THEM!!!!!!  Loud and Clear.  "i'm gonna die" I screamed.  My poor quiet angel of a mother would simply hold my hand and say "Tammy, honey, people do this EVERY day.... you are NOT gonna DIE!"  
Oh YES.......I was certain of it.  I was going down!

But in a few LONG short horrendously torturous near-death hours....I was handed a tiny little miracle.  The birth was all natural and went off without a hitch (other than I shot a urine geyser at my nurse - pinched the fire out of another nurse - and my insides were now laying all over the delivery room floor!)  Z was perfect.  and he didn't know it then........and still may never know - how having him that day saved my life in so many ways!

Before I was pregnant I was livin life like a rock star.  And his dad.......well let's just say THAT was a dead end and leave it at that.
So having him that day, pushed me to grow up and move on and make a better life for the two of us.
In a sense, Z and I have grown up together.  There are things that child knows that no one in their right mind would think a child NEEDS to know.... but as wrong as you might think this is - We have been the only rock and security in each others' lives for as long as I can remember......well EVER!  So he and I will always share a bond - that no matter how many times we yell and scream and fight - no one could ever break!
And I'll tell you this......once he DOES get out on his own and have to stand on his own two feet, there probably won't be much that could happen that would surprise him or confuse him... that child has been exposed to life in it's rawest form!  (have YOU ever taken YOUR child "stalking"?  LOL

Today _ I want to wish my baby (almost grown up) boy a VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY
and I also want to express just how thankful I am that he came into my life and saved me, just when I needed him the most.  (I'm pretty sure I need to thank God for that one...)

Happy Birthday Z - know that as much as I ground you and push you and shove you and MAKE you make right decisions, I will always love you MORE than the "meanness and pain" you think I thrive on!  ;-)


Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Progression...Regression... with a smidge of INSANITY!

Progression:  The act of progressing forward;  onward movement.  (which way IS forward?  who decides that?  what if your forward goes around a curve... then are you going the wrong way?)

Regression:  The act of going back to a previous place or state; return or reversion.  (why is this considered a bad thing?  what if the previous place was a GOOD place?)

Insanity:  A derangement of the mind.  (Someone once defined this for me - yes HE was implying I was insane - the jerk he said insanity is the act of doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.  Well guess what - what if I just needed PRACTICE!  that does not insanity make!  It makes me smarter and more experienced than YOU!  HA!)

It's funny how we go through phases in life.... how at different points, different things are important to us.  How we work soooo hard to progress.... move forward... be BETTER.... not regress!  Sometimes I look back on my life and for some reason, I seek out these "milestones" as proof that I'm progressing.  Some sort of proof of my success I guess.  So what - I win!?  I win at life if I collect all my worldly trophies?  nahhhhh  not really!

9-5 job - CHECK

bought a house - CHECK

got that coveted gently used SUV - CHECK

graduated college - CHECK  (fiiiiiinalllllllly!)

kissed a girl - HA HA HAAAAAAAAA  kidding!!!!!!!  {just making sure your paying attention - SHUT UP T!}

married - uhhhhh no  {so I skipped one - sue me!}

had a child - CHECK

be a stay at home mom - uhhhhhhhhhh NOPE!  not now or EVER!  ha ha  (shout out to all you moms who CAN do that........Not I!)

You get my point?!!  those milestones that everyone measures themselves to....

I think sometimes I overwhelm myself by being soooo consumed with those milestones that I measure my life WAY too much!  Sometimes I'm just sick of milestones......and wondering if I'm progressing or regressing or just plain INSANE!  Some days, I just wanna get up and forget all those dumb milestones.  WHO are they really measuring up for anyway?  Is someone keeping score?
What the crap!?  WHO decides if I'm successful or not?

Answer:  ME!
and you wanna know how I measure that???????
all the LOVE that surrounds me.

When I bought my house.... on my own.... just me and little Z - I thought WOW - I have really met a mile marker here.  I'm strong, I'm independent {hear me ROAR}... I have really proved something!  woot woot!!!
but......although I'm thankful to have a roof over my head......I would walk away right now and never look back if my family or friends needed me to go.
No regrets and never one ounce of feeling like I regressed.

When I got my "normal" 9-5 job.... I thought WOW - look at me in my office (with NO window), working normal hours, like a normal girl... raising my kid, paying my bills... look at me how successful I am.
Well recently - money has been tight and bills get harder and harder to stretch.. and college is just around the corner for Z.  So I have settled into accepting I am gonna need a 2nd job for a bit.  And for just ONE minute, I chastised myself for "regressing" back into the ol' waitressing days!   But how LUCKY am I that I have that opportunity?

So I just wanted to share with you that all those dumb milestones out there are CRAP!

I'm not saying don't work hard and be responsible....

I'm simply saying this....

I measure my success by knowing I have a family that would sell everything they had to take care of me if I needed them to.
I measure my success by knowing that I have life-long friends that would get up in the middle of the night no matter what they had going on, to come hold me while I cry over some stupid emotional breakdown.  And better still.... I measure my success by having friends that KNOW I will ALWAYS be here and they count on me for that.
I measure my success when my son tells me he loves me EVERY time we hang up the phone. (yes - even at age 15!)
And I measure my success when I look into T's eyes and see ME... for who I truly am... me... just as I am.  Crazy xanax flaws and all...And I know that I have never experienced a genuine mutual self sacrificing love like that before.

And mostly - I measure my success by knowing that ALL the people I am lucky enough to be blessed and surrounded with........would still be here if I lived in a cardboard box down by the bridge and swept floors at the local mini mart on the graveyard shift and had only two teeth and holes in my jeans and grocery store feet... well - you get the idea!!!

I'm surrounded by unconditional love  - and that my friends is immeasurable!
& it's the only milestone I need!

Now that I have poured my heart out - click that button there and go read some other fabulous stories and share yours.  Then link up with Shell at Things I can't Say.  
And especially click on the link below for Mission Monkey.  Read about Monkey and link up with his mom.  You will find all you need over at IAN's Daily Dose of Reality plus an upcoming auction to raise money for them:

Click on monkey to donate...please help!

~Post It note Tuesday~ I'm all OVER the place!

It's Post It Note Tuesday!!!!
MAN I have missed these crazy little posties....

ON with the show!!!!
{and make sure you go link up at Supah's!}
WHYYYYYYYYYYY  you ask?????

Thanks T!
love you!  ;-)

WAIT - WHAT?!!!  Get ur mind outta the gutter!!!!!!!


HUH??!!!!!  Where was I?
oh yeah........

for a NEW
attitude and better
days to come!

SO much DRAMA in the LBC...
it's kinda hard being
Snoop T-A-M-I - G!!!

word to ya mutha